“Dead-people’s goals” vs. emotional courage

Are you a master of being “OK”?   Rather than wearing the traditional “brave face" I encourage authentic reflection and conversation in honor of mental health month. To thrive in the 21st century requires an agile mind and a hefty amount of emotional courage.  

It is no secret that global mental health has eroded.  According to statistics, it is damaging our infrastructure at work and at home. Simply from an economic standpoint, the numbers are devastating.

“Globally, an estimated 12 billion working days are lost every year to depression and anxiety at a cost of $1 trillion USD per year in lost productivity.” report from Sept 22, 2022, World Health Organization (WHO)

To put that into perspective, depression is the single leading cause of disability, outstripping cancer and heart disease (WHO statistics stated by Susan David, Harvard Medical School psychologist)

Our culture often encourages the ostrich approach when it comes to dealing with uncomfortable or “bad” emotions. A practiced veneer of relentless positivity can mask the truth, even from ourselves.  The damage to our infrastructure can be catastrophic before it is recognized, with progressive erosion by mental termites.   

“How we deal with our inner world drives everything. 

Every aspect of how we live, how we love, how we parent, how we live, and how we lead.” 

-Susan David, Harvard Medical School Psychologist

As revealed in a survey conducted by Susan David of 70,000 people, one-third of us judge ourselves by having bad emotions (anger, sadness, grief) or actively disregard them.  We judge and disregard the emotions of others as well, even our children.  

Is Emotional Courage worth the discomfort?   

Emotional intelligence has become one of the most highly valued traits in the workplace.  Leaders who have high EQ’s (Emotional Intelligence Quotient) create more successful work environments that have:

•  better collaborative relationships

•  stronger leadership skills

•  higher performance by employees 

Emotional Intelligence is a set of soft skills that are at the heart of healthy relationships at work and home but has rarely been taught in traditional educational systems until recently.  As awareness of the importance of connecting with our emotions expands, more resources are becoming available to hone soft skills.

Before we can improve our emotional intelligence, we have to face our inner gremlins, which have most people running for the hills.  To build emotional courage, David has some suggestions.  

Primarily, consider all emotions normal and natural, not “good or bad.”  The radical acceptance of all emotions is the cornerstone of agility.  When we accept they are an integral part of being human and identify them accurately, they have the ability to inform our behavior in our value hierarchy. This creates the ability to choose thoughtful responses rather than be controlled by reactive behavior. 

 “Emotions are data, not directives”   

Dr. Susan David

Pulling our heads out of the sand takes emotional courage, but keeping our heads buried does not change the reality of tough stuff coming our way.  Emotional blindness can be disabling,  destroying a key human asset that places us in a league of sentient beings.

To assume we will never get stressed or inconvenienced by tough emotions are “dead people’s goals,” David asserts. Acceptance of the inevitability of difficult emotions is the “price of admission to a meaningful life.” Defy the “shoulds” and feel authentically.

“Courage is not an absence of steps, it is fear walking.”

Dr. Susan David

Suggested resource: TED Talk: The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage